Welcome to Triple Action University
Earn Your Triple Ph.D. in 3 Years !!!
Triple your brain power at America’s oldest imaginary university (founded by Hugo Collidge in 1628). This special message from Dean Eugene Green offers a window into the unlimited possibilities you can explore as you pursue your Triple Ph.D.
Professional Professors / Money-Back Guarantee*
Our Faculty
The Triple Action University faculty is … [add hilarious comedy jokes about the faculty]
Here, Posthumous Physics Professor Emeritus Albert Einstein gives a comprehensive 19-second lecture on his ground-breaking Theory of Relative Idiocy.
Our top Communications Dept. instructor, Triple Action News anchorman Reid Page, delivers a lecture on how income inequality will impact the global economy.
Inspired by Prof. John Keating (aka Robin Williams),” our professors find unique ways to teach that “we must constantly look at things in a different way.”
Campus Life
Campus life here at Triple Action University is … [add hilarious comedy jokes about campus life]
Professor of Musicology Mr. Dr. Chris Elliott wows the campus crowd with his powerful anti-school shooting hit “When Does It End (if not Parkland)?”
The Triple Action U. Cultural Council hosts concerts by hot young artists at the Triple Action Amphitheater. Here, NH rapper Smizz performs “Unbelievable.”
Enjoy weekly Saturday night concerts by M-Tone. The world-famous robot rapper is a notable alumni who now teaches a course titled “Rap City 101.”
Ivory Tower Power
At Triple Action University, the term “Ivory Tower” is not just a scornful cliche referencing elite academic institutions where snobby bookworm poindexters isolate themselves from the rest of the world in favor of their own pragmatically irrelevant mental pursuits and esoteric interests.
We have an actual ivory tower!
Built in 1798 by former President Throckmorton DiMaunchie III, it is painstakingly crafted from “the tusks and teeth of elephants, hippopotami, walruses, warthogs, sperm whales and narwhals” (OK, it’s mostly elephant tusks; but ivory trade was more legal back then).
A round, 204-foot-tall, castle-like turret that looks down over the rest of our sprawling campus, our ivory tower is a place where students (maximum capacity: 5) can gather to engage in vigorous, cranium-tingling discourse on the most vital and consequential issues of our time.
Recent examples include:
A.) Will the American experiment in democratic “self-rule” survive the current era of dysfunctional, pre-apocalyptic human lunacy?
B.) Should the past killing of elephants to steal their tusks be “frowned upon” today?
C.) Is obtaining one’s triple Ph.D. actually “worth the money,” or are such degree candidates actually just “avoiding the bleak reality of 21st century human existence”?
Fun fact: Only 7 people have plummeted to their death since the tower was erected during the John Adams administration.
TRIPLE ACTION UNIVERSITY
Earn your triple Ph.D. in just three years!