Super Bowl Fever !!!
Ladies and gentlemen!

Welcome to your exclusive satirical pre-game coverage of the Bud Miller Ford Chevy Nissan Amazon Coke Pepsi Cheetos Doritos Carvana Viagra Triple Crypto TurboTax Super Bowl !!!

I’ll be your host, Blitz Butkus.

An estimated elevendy billion people around the globe will jam the virtual coliseum this evening to watch two crack squads of jacked-up, body-armored millionaires take center stage in a Roman-numeraled orgy of all-American overkill. Consumerism, commercialism and recreational violence with a VIP sideshow.

Yes, Super Bowl Fifty-Something promises to be really quite super.

In fact, a recent Super Bowl super poll revealed a super majority of U.S. super fans are super stoked to super-pack their pie holes with supermarket snacks as the supercharged juggernaut of supermodels, superstar athletes and super-sized commercials frees their super ego to revel in a full-blown, five-alarm chili bowl Super Bowl stupor.

The Big Game will be beamed to hundreds of countries in dozens of languages and NBC promises several full minutes of action packed into the evening-long Super Telecast, which will carry optional subtitles for viewers in Belgium, Rwanda and parts of Mississippi. It will be close-captioned for the pigskin-impaired.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Super Bowl Fun Fact

The first presidential football fan was Teddy Roosevelt, whose concern over excessive gridiron violence moved him to ban firearms from the game in 1905. However, quarterbacks still maintain their Second Amendment right to use the “shotgun.”

(FAKE) Super Bowl Ads

As always, the annual avalanche of advertising excess provides a compelling Super Bowl side drama in which corporations shell out up to $7 million for 30-second spots urging you to buy trucks, chips and beer, and truckloads of chips and beer. Lots of other interesting stuff, too. Below is a classic 2008 commercial introducing Skelorex, a since-discontinued “miracle” dietary supplement.
Super Bowl Halftime Highlights
The real Super Bowl LVI halftime show will feature an epic lineup of rap and R&B legends. My imaginary halftime spectacular features two worst-selling artists from my own imaginary label – Triple Action Music.

Lil Fauci (left) and M-Tone, the monotone rapper (right).

Super Bowl XXXVIII “Flash” Back: Janet Jackson’s infamous Wardrobe Malfunction.
Check out: JohnBreneman.com aka TripleActionNews.com